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Making the World Cuter: Ummm...Yeah.

A blog where one woman is on a mission to make the world cuter, one kid, cupcake or crafty thing at a time.

6.10.2009

Ummm...Yeah.

So after reading some comments on yesterdays post, re-reading what I wrote and hearing it all day from my friends, husband and mom...I think that maybe I need to learn how to express what I'm feeling better.

The main thing I wanted to get across, I think, was the fact that I am not perfect.
In any form of the word.
I feel like in the posts previous, that I had posted a lot of things that I feel good about as a mom, the no-tv thing, the whole wheat, the cloth diaper choice, my small crafty things I have been doing...
I have read other blogs where I read them and see all the things they are doing, and it makes me feel like I'm not doing enough.
I didn't want anyone to feel that way, when they looked at my blog.
I wanted everyone to know, that although I usually only post the good stuff that is going on, there are things that I am not doing great at.

I think I gave the impression, yesterday, that I was completely depressed.
Yes the truth of the matter is that I have been feeling a little down on myself lately.
It's not an uncommon theme for me in June.
I have gotten that way every year since we moved to Oregon as the end of the school year approaches, and the countdown begins to when Zachary and Ryeleigh come to our house.
I go into complete stress-out mode.
I know it, and everyone around me knows it.
I can't help it, it happens every year.
I am not super in the ways of patience, and I am not overly affectionate to anyone but my own babies. I wish I was like my mother-in-law, who can hug and kiss and cuddle with any child, and have unconditional love for everyone.
I feel like I fall short in the area of being a step-mom more than in any other area of my life.
Trying to plan out the days, the sleeping situations, what needs to happen to make sure the kids feel welcome, yet not like they are on vacation, so that they feel like this is their home too, that they get their reading in, and their spirituality, their play time, their bonding time with dad, the squished in as much as we can get full on family time, menu's that please at least most of those eating each night, trying to budget in the extra people for food for those weeks, all while not disturbing too much the lives of the kids that live here year round.
As much fun as it can be-it's a change every year.
And this change equals stress to me, and at least one of my babies I see it affecting in a stressful way as well.

So the whole thing with me feeling inadequate...will be over, usually around the end of July.
When I can look back on the past 6 weeks and say, we had a fun summer, minimal fighting, we grew closer as a family and I miss those kids in our home. I fed them all, took them to do fun things, they learned from me, and I from them.
It's always a positive experience, but one that stresses me out like nothing else can, and causes me to go into a bit of a depression about how much I fall short.

Really, unless you have step-kids of your own, or are one yourself...
...I don't think you can even begin to understand what it's like.
It's a tug of war with my heart each summer, and throughout the year as well.
It's a hard situtation for everyone involved, Chad, Zach and Ryeleigh especially, and of course their mother who has to ship them off for 6 weeks each year, a thought that makes me ache inside, the thought of having my babies away from me that long, wretch!
Then there are my kids, the kids' grandmas and cousins and then me, we're all affected in a big way, and it's hard.
Trying to find the balance of structure, heartache, and love.
If there is such a thing.

5 Comments:

Blogger Chad said...

There's my wife I know and LOVE!!!
I know Zach and Rye love you and appreciate you. You have done so much for them. The hard part is transition bringing them in and then sending them off; it would be easier if they stayed year round for sure.

Wed Jun 10, 01:53:00 PM

 
Blogger suzanne said...

I can't even begin to imagine what a difficult situation that must be for you and for your family. However, I do know that you are the right one to tackle the task at hand! Hope you are having fun with your mom and please say goodbye to Tyler for me. I would love his address so I can send him a note! Enjoy your moments with your mom and remember that the pool is open and available for your use! Especially if it would warm up!!!!! Dinner next week?

Wed Jun 10, 05:01:00 PM

 
Blogger Sara said...

Tiffany, Tiffany, see how you try to cover up your superness now, don't worry, you are not fooling me!

Wed Jun 10, 10:05:00 PM

 
Blogger Lisa C said...

My comments on your last post were really sort of random--more like things that I've been thinking about lately.

But I've been thinking about your post the last couple of days. I was thinking how we probably all feel this way as mothers (not to lessen your situation or anything). We all have strengths and weaknesses, and it's so easy to see others' strengths but our own weaknesses--especially since everyone likes to put their best selves on for everyone else. Actually, that's what I was going to say last time, but didn't think that was what you wanted to hear. ANYWAY, my point is that you made me think about all the great qualities that I have, and that even though I feel totally un-super, I just might possibly look like a super mom to someone else. And that's when it hit me--I AM A FREAKIN' SUPERMOM! I may be a terrible housekeeper, I may be terrible about getting stuff doing, getting out, seeing people, etc, but I am doing a pretty darn good job of being a mom! So, thanks!

(ps--I know how you feel about your babes...and I could only imagine the difficulties of being a step-mom...I still think you are super:)

Thu Jun 11, 08:20:00 PM

 
Blogger Sara said...

I'm SO grateful for your honest blogs - taking the time to explain how you feel...It's quite refreshing for me to read - I'm not nearly as articulate, so I admire you for that too.

And, just because you don't feel super every single moment of every single day, doesn't change the fact that you ARE super. It's just who you are, so deal with it.

Sat Jun 13, 03:50:00 PM

 

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